A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson
about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a
glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a
worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as
a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and
quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor
asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely,
responded, "Drink whiskey and you wont get worms."
Okay, that's it... I just have nothing else to tell you, I'm just all out of jokes!
Yeah, Right!
MONKEY
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps
up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No. What's that stupid idiot done this time?", says the patron.
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table.... whole" says the bartender. "Yeah, well I hope it kills him because he's been driving me nuts" says the
patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later the same guy comes back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts
running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar. He grabs the grape, sticks it up his butt, then
pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted (as you would be). "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks. "What now?", responds the
patron. "Well, he stuck a grape up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it", says the barkeeper. "Well, what did you expect?", replied
the patron. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
Now that is one of the better ones!!
20 THINGS TO DO AT A FAST FOOD DRIVE-THRU
Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful
expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
Drive through backwards.
Belch your order.
After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape.
Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and,
thus, each raises his/her volume.
Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
Walk through.
Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the
manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order
taker had such difficulty understanding you.
Repeat everything the order taker says.
Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your
order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke
and a small medium fries, please".
In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out
ofnline and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40
bags of food.
When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them
several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make
sure it smells.
Drive through with a carload of naked people.
Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think
there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the
window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled,
incomprehensible fashion.
Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim
the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone
speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
One word: Flatulence!
Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to
pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on
the trunk.
If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by
speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she
finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many
of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window
to "check out the babe".
Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
Check back in a while because this page will be updated regularly!
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